It’s well known that there’s a link between anxiety and depression and fibromyalgia. It’s something that many of us struggle with as part and parcel of life with fibro. Learning to cope with the fact that we may no longer be able to do everything that we’d like to can fuel these feelings of stress and despair. For me, one of the most upsetting parts of experiencing mental health issues is how they can appear out of nowhere and try their best to stop me from doing the things that help me manage my health and feel a little better.
Last Saturday, I’d booked a swim session in my local lake. Usually, this is an activity that I love to do and is one of the highlights of my week. Not last week, though. I’d been feeling out of sorts for a couple of days, and by Saturday morning, I felt like I just couldn’t be bothered to go anywhere and do anything. Then the anxiety kicked in….the water was going to be freezing, I was going to get cold, I might get hypothermia, I might drown, I might get bitten by a pike (or a monster), the effort of the swim might lead to a flare that I don’t have time to have… I descended into a spiral of fear and despair in which I couldn’t think of one positive thing about going along – my chest felt tight, my head ached, and my stomach was cramping horribly. The only reason that I ended up going was because A – I’d paid and B – I’d arranged a lift.
My anxious thoughts percolated during the journey to the lake in the grey, wet weather. By the time I arrived, all I wanted to do was turn round, go home and curl up in the warm safety of my bed.
Anyway, I went into the water to find that it was warmer in the water than out. I relaxed, started to swim, and ended up doing my longest open water swim to date. I was buzzing by the time I got out and felt quite proud of myself. Yes, I was achy, but then I ache when I sit on the sofa too.
So I enjoyed my swim, I always do. But why does my brain decide to get stuck in depressive and anxious patterns of thought so that I have to fight against it to do things I love to do?
I’d love to say that I won’t put myself through this again, but I know I will. It seems to be how I’m wired, and it’s such a waste of mental effort. I believe at least part of this is because I’m an overthinker (and I think a lot of us fibro folk would fall into this category too) and prone to rumination. It can take a lot of effort to overcome these feelings and carry on with doing what we had planned to do. Does this ring true for anyone else?
Musings on Life with Fibromyalgia 
Do you take any medication for depression and anxiety? I could be wrong but as someone with Fibro and Bipolar Disorder, which I had long before Fibro, you may need professional help. If depression is a regular state of being, it might not be related to Fibro. Just because some do, doesn’t mean your’s is related. Until you see a doctor, you won’t know. The people I know with Fibro and I know many, they become depressed because of what they can’t do and causes them to stay home during a flair. I think you showed yourself by going you had a great time. The key is to stop the ruminating in your head and let it cripple you. I’m proud of you for going to swim lesson and know you can beat the depression with help. You life doesn’t have to be this way. Contact me if you have any questions or would like to talk. 🙂
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Thanks for reading and for commenting😊. Yes I do take medication for anxiety and depression, and like with the folks that you know, thinking of what I’m no longer able to do can heighten those feelings of depression. I think you hit the nail on the head with the ruminating and somehow, I need to rise above it and just get on with what I was originally planning to do. I think also that living with fibro and thinking about the spoon theory and how much we can or should do on any given day can fuel rumination and sometimes anxiety too – worrying about whether doing such and such a thing could cause a flare. Whereas a healthy person can simply get on with their day without worrying about any of this.
Now that I have posted this little story on my blog, I can refer back to it next time I feel this way and remind myself to just “keep calm and carry on” as the saying goes.
Many thanks for reaching out 🤗
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It’s not carry on, it’s living a full life. How long have you been on your meds? If it’s been some time maybe it’s time to try something else. I don’t particularly believe int he spoon theory. I think it’s better to wake up with plans and stretch goals. You do what you can, if you can get them all done, great. If not you start over the next day. I don’t wake up thinking about my many chronic illnesses or even that I only have 2-5 years to live. I get up and do what I can and if I need a nap I take one. The key is not to spend too much time in bed or that could make your depression worst. At first it was hard and I thought about my illnesses too much. They don’t drive me, they are an after thought. The other thing I quit doing is reading so many post on Fibro, that can be very depressing. I stop following groups on Facebook because it’s the same story every week. I don’t need that in my life. Don’t worry about a flair, it will happen and you have to be prepared for it by being gentle with yourself.
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I have been on my meds for a while after spending years working with my doctor to find ones that I could actually tolerate and continue to function on some level. Even when I was crippled and housebound with anxiety several years back, I actually found that CBT helped me more than any medication ever did.
I do think your approach about doing what you can do is a healthy one. And I take your point about spending too much time reading fibro posts as well as too much focus on fibro, or any illness isn’t healthy and takes energy away from real life.
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I’m on meds and still have it weighing me down every day. I’m sorry
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Sorry to hear that you suffer with this too – look after yourself and thank you for commenting
Sarah
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